Baring It All

I believe you can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

My mother and I have exceptionally different fashion senses.  We're probably at opposite ends of the spectrum.  She's, understandably, more conservative, and I am, understandably, am not so much.  So, when the question arises of 'how much is too much..' skin to show off, we can butt heads.

I remember the first time I dared to try the bare midriff trend.  I was ten years old, and on vacation with my family in the U.S.  We had decided to take a day trip and venture into Tijuana to do some shopping, some sight seeing, and to spend some time together somewhere new.  There were loads of store owners and stores selling everything from handbags, to shoes, to instruments, to lighters, and finally, to midriff baring tops.

Ah, midriff baring tops.

It was like love at first sight.  I saw it, as I approached that particular store and tore off from my parents and my sister, making a beeline right to that white midriff baring shirt with little blue flowers throughout.  I simply had to have it!  In that moment, nothing else mattered but me having that midriff baring shirt.

The one problem.  Ahem.  The one big, massive, huge, major, problem??

My dear mother.

To clean up what could be a long story, to my absolute surprise, my mother agreed that the shirt was cute, and would look great with my cut off denims!  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!  I couldn't.  And I sure wasn't going to wait around to find out.  I pulled my size off the rack, and handed it to my mother to make the transaction official.  I think I held my breath as I watched her give it the once over, and then pass green money over the counter to the seller.  She handed me the bag, and I couldn't wait to wear the shirt. 

No, really. 

I couldn't wait, I didn't even look for a bathroom to change in, I went into a secret corner in the store, and asked my mum to cover me while I changed.  That was the day my love for the midriff baring shirt began.

So, imagine my joy when summer 2010/2011 rolled around, and midriff shirts reared its beautiful head once again.  The one difference, is that this year, I'm not 10 years old.  I'm a decade and a bit older than that.  And what I could once show off, I wonder if I can still.

When I was ten, not only did I wear a bare midriff shirt, but I was able to bare much more.  At ten years old my heart was so much more open, and willing, and the world seemed to be filled with endless possibilities.  I was happy, nay, ready to bare all.  All of my heart, all of my dreams, all of my hopes.

I know that there's a balance, and I'm trying to seek out that balance.  How much, is too much, to bare?

MJ xx

Run, Run, Run

Nothing is more exciting than starting the day right - or as they say, getting up from the right side of the bed.

Today, that is how I began the day.  Much like any other, I was rudely awoken by my alarm, rolled over to grumble at my innocent cellular, and then begin the getting up process.  Getting up is hard on a good day.  And you know what makes a good day in my books?  Preferably that day is warm, sunny, and placed in the summer season.  So, imagine what it is like for someone like myself who loves summer, to get up and face an icy, dark morning alone... during winter.

Problematic, huh?!

(..it is, huh!)

Something weird and wonderful happened today however.  The alarm sounded, the grumbling happened, and then I was up and good to go.  Time to run my little heart out.

All that was left to do was to tie my hair up, lace up my shoes, and head through those curtains out into the big, bad, cold, wintery morning.  All the while, knowing that I was far from alone.

MJ xx

I Miss Her

The world is full of people, but I have come to learn that finding those you spark with - those who are friends, and more than friends - and care for deeply, is harder than you'd know.

Which is why, I miss her!

For years I have been so incredibly lucky, and blessed, to live a mere 10 minute drive from her home a few suburbs away from mine.  Then, a month ago, my luck changed.  I remember the conversation in which she told me that she had decided to make a big, daring, and exciting move.  There was no certainty that the move would bring her everything that she wanted, and no certainty that the move would work out.  Regardless, I remember my brave and beautiful friend looking me in the eyes and telling me that the ticket was bought.


No turning back now.

Selfishly I wish that she were a mere 10 minute drive from my house like she used to be, but inwardly I know that regardless of me missing her, this is a vital life lesson for me.  For you see, I am trying to live selflessly in a selfish world.  And it's hard, because I'm the one with the problems, and the selfish desires.

To my brave, beautiful, and now, far-away friend,


I know that you are living your life, day by day, in an incredible way.  I hope that we get to see each other very soon, and who knows, maybe one day get to live only a mere 10 minutes away.  Thankyou for being such a great friend!


Love, MJ

xx

Second Chances

Something you will learn about me is that I make mistakes.  I make loads of them.  Not only do I do stupid things, I think stupid things, and then... I've been known to say these stupid things. 

There's nothing extremely unique about me when I say that.  I don't think that I would stand out in a lineup, because I'm sure you can secretly admit to me, when no one is looking, or listening, that you too make mistakes.  There's a saying that goes, "we all make mistakes."   I'm sure you can also agree agree that some of these mistakes are worse than others.  Some mistakes I make go unnoticed, while other mistakes cause major problems.  Problems that can last for months, and months...  Maybe even years? 

It's only Tuesday, but this week, so far, has been a week in which my mind has wallowed in my past mistakes.  For some unknown reason I am remembering mistake, after mistake.  I recall, in particular, one absolutely stupid conversation, in which I said some absolutely stupid things.  And it is frustrating, because in my infinite wisdom that the present offers me, if only I could step back, for one teeny tiny moment, then maybe, just maybe I could right my wrong, and undo the stupid things I said, and then, as a result, did.

That step-back invention doesn't exist.  Trust me, I've looked.  They say Google has all of the answers imaginable.  Well, Google, I've done a search and I'm afraid to say you've let me down!  There is no time machine, no magic un-done pill, absolutely nothing close. 

So, what now?

Before I get to that, something else you will learn about me, is that I believe in God.  I was raised in the Christian faith, and as time has passed I've grown into my own personal faith and relationship with God.  It's a bit difference than the one I grew up with, and it's forever developing and moulding.  This is one of the many blessings in my life.

My faith is a blessing to me, because I know, that regardless of all of that daily mistakes that I am responsible for, the God I know intimately is merciful.  That is a beautiful word, one that holds extreme importance to someone who, like me, like you, makes mistakes.  I like how The Message puts it;

“If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that’s why you’re worshiped.” (The Message)

Psalm 130:3

I want, no, I need second chances.  I don't always get it right the first time around, but I try, and I'll keep trying, and I'll keep hoping that like God gives me a second-go to get it right, I'll be shown mercy and forgiveness in other areas of my life too.  It's a big ask, but that's my ask.

This weekend I spent a lazy, hazy, rainy Sunday afternoon indoors, and created this artwork as a reminder of everything.  I'm a slow learner at times, but I know that I'll get there!  Til I reach 'there', I'll do as this canvas says.  You should too ;)

MJ xx